I've gotta find the strength to move on
I feel so crappy.
I feel so alone. Physically, I mean.
When I first moved to the 757, I didn't have anyone I knew that I could hang out with. I met some folks on line, via BlackPlanet, but many of the guys were looking for booty calls. I didn't feel like I connected with anybody, like anybody understood me, until I met Middle.
I guess I put all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak. During the six months I went out with Middle I didn't go out with any guys. I really didn't even talk to other guys that much. I just felt like Middle understood where I was coming from. I only wanted to be with him. I think it was my excitement and enthusiasm that killed the relationship. Now that the relationship -- including the friendship -- appears to really be dead, I've got to put myself back out there and meet more new people.
See back in the day, long before I met Middle, I was in a series of physically and mentally abusive relationships. There were three of them. They didn't know each other (yes I'm sure of it :-)), but they sure acted the same. I was stuck in a rut and picking the same type of man. He would spend a little money on me, tell me nice things and then after a couple of weeks of that, he'd tell me he didn't owe me anything and that I wasn't really "his type." All the while, I'd believe all of the hogwash they were serving, not knowing all they said were lies.
When I met Middle, he was nothing like those guys. From physical appearance to profession, I was sure I was out of the woods. He didn't spend a lot of money, no flowers at work, no little gifts at home... I thought this was surely going to turn out differently. Unfortunately it didn't. Really it ended up the same, me with my feelings hurt and him seeming not to care.
Now I've got MAJOR trust issues when it comes to guys and their level of interest in me. I know I've got to get over this, but this new blow has truly opened up new wounds that I thought had healed.
I feel so alone. Physically, I mean.
When I first moved to the 757, I didn't have anyone I knew that I could hang out with. I met some folks on line, via BlackPlanet, but many of the guys were looking for booty calls. I didn't feel like I connected with anybody, like anybody understood me, until I met Middle.
I guess I put all of my eggs in one basket, so to speak. During the six months I went out with Middle I didn't go out with any guys. I really didn't even talk to other guys that much. I just felt like Middle understood where I was coming from. I only wanted to be with him. I think it was my excitement and enthusiasm that killed the relationship. Now that the relationship -- including the friendship -- appears to really be dead, I've got to put myself back out there and meet more new people.
See back in the day, long before I met Middle, I was in a series of physically and mentally abusive relationships. There were three of them. They didn't know each other (yes I'm sure of it :-)), but they sure acted the same. I was stuck in a rut and picking the same type of man. He would spend a little money on me, tell me nice things and then after a couple of weeks of that, he'd tell me he didn't owe me anything and that I wasn't really "his type." All the while, I'd believe all of the hogwash they were serving, not knowing all they said were lies.
When I met Middle, he was nothing like those guys. From physical appearance to profession, I was sure I was out of the woods. He didn't spend a lot of money, no flowers at work, no little gifts at home... I thought this was surely going to turn out differently. Unfortunately it didn't. Really it ended up the same, me with my feelings hurt and him seeming not to care.
Now I've got MAJOR trust issues when it comes to guys and their level of interest in me. I know I've got to get over this, but this new blow has truly opened up new wounds that I thought had healed.
posted by Ms. Write at 6:39 PM
2 Comments:
Hey, sweety. It's definitely a blow when someone you love can't love you the way you need them to. You've already made the big step in accepting that fact with Middle. Now comes the hard part. (I bet you thought making that decision was the hardest, right?) Nah, now comes the part where your heart has to coincide with your brain, and let me tell you, it's no easy feat at times.
You have to give yourself time to heal from this guy before you move on, because finding someone else would only complicate your situation even more. Have some time to yourself, because from what I get, you truly fell for this guy.
We all want someone to love, including myself. Until you find that one man for you, try being happy alone first. I know I can't take the place of a man on any good day, but we are sisters. If you need someone to hang out with or just talk to, I'm a great listener as well as a great friend. At least, that's what I've been told. :-) Hang in there, okay? I wish you enough...
Hang in there sweet heart...sourround yourself with positive activities, people and thoughts you'll get over it soon.
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